10 Worst Movies of 2022
It’s payback time!
After being subjected to some unbearable experiences at the theater or at home through streaming, it’s time to take another jab at some truly awful movies. Some of these come from very respected filmmakers and actors, and some come from newcomers who I hope won’t be making this a trend. Either way, they all deserve to get one last lick before we fully turn the page over to 2023.
Going from the least bad (that’s saying it politely) to the worst, here are the ten movies that offended me as a cinephile in 2022.
As far as video game adaptations go, Uncharted is one of the better ones if the bar it has to jump over is generously low. It makes for an unamusing two hours, with nothing exceptional to make it stick once the credits roll. If you have more time to spare, I’d recommend playing the games. Hell, I still would much rather play the games a second time than watch the movie again.
Stars At Noon was a rare instance of nothing working as well as it should, especially for such a skilled and revered director as Claire Denis, whose return to the prestigious Cannes Film Festival after all these years resulted in a hugely disappointing and slightly embarrassing work that wastes a wonderful opportunity to combine the talents of all those involved.
It’s hard to imagine who was fully satisfied by Devotion. Enthusiasts of historical dramas (such as myself) probably found it too simplistic and clichéd; action junkies weren’t awed by the CGI-tainted flight set pieces, and Majors and Powell fans didn’t get anything from their by-the-book characters. Just as the Korean War holds the moniker “America’s forgotten war,” Devotion will have to make do with being “America’s forgotten 2022 aviation film.”
On nearly every level, Death on the Nile was a serious dropoff in quality compared to its 2017 predecessor, which now looks much better in hindsight. Branagh has expressed interest in continuing the adventures of Hercule Poirot with further sequels, which, at this point, I’m not looking forward to.
I must have been on the naughty list because the only thing Violent Night gave me was a lump of coal. It desperately wants to be the Christmas movie your weird uncle tells the whole family about at dinner, but does nothing to achieve that but spew endlessly bad puns and ironic fight scenes to jolly tunes. Ho ho... no.
5. Jurassic World: Dominion
Hey, remember when this franchise treated at least some of the dinosaurs with wonder and curiosity? Colin Trevorrow doesn't. The Jurassic franchise now has a 5:1 ratio of bad to good movies, meaning that it should be time for it to go the way of the dinosaur and become extinct.
4. The 355
I don’t blame you for not remembering this ultra-bland spy thriller, as it was unceremoniously dumped by Universal the first week of January. To be honest, I actually envy anyone who has completely forgotten about this film’s existence. Writer/director Simon Kinberg, sinking even further after Dark Phoenix, wastes an all-star cast on a clichéd plot and lackluster action. And in a cruel twist of fate, Kinberg has reportedly been paid $8 million to write a new spy movie for Channing Tatum. When will studio executives ever learn?
3. Black Adam
To be honest, I’ve lost track of who’s in and who’s out, and what is actually going on in the DCEU. It’s just a bunch of noise, eroding my brain two hours at a time. Black Adam seems to have done the most damage because it’s going to take me a long time to recover from this dreck. For the love of god, burn it all down.
2. The Bubble
As a needlessly long two-hour movie that felt like four hours, this Netflix “comedy” took a group of talented actors and forced them to work way below their pedigree. Writer/director Judd Apatow must be constantly thanking his lucky stars that Billy Eichner’s Bros, which he produced, was met with good reviews, as it made everyone forget the downright terrible work he did here.
I really, really, really, really, hope that Sony didn’t make enough money from this abomination to greenlight a sequel, because I’m going to go insane as the trailer for Morbius 2 will undoubtedly stalk me like its predecessor. And if that does happen, I won’t make the same mistake twice and buy a ticket to it. I'd rather just have all my blood drained, just like how all life had been drained from this film.