"Army of the Dead" Review
Army of the Dead has reinvigorated my childhood dream of becoming President of the United States because when I do that, I will have enough power to create an executive order to stop Zack Snyder from writing a script or manning a camera.
148-minutes long and with enough material to cover a quarter of that runtime, Army of the Dead is a painful example of the subjectivity of filmmaking. Even with dialogue and entire sequences ripped straight from Aliens, Snyder's film can't produce even an ounce of the gory thrills that Cameron delivered. The story is predictable and so uninteresting that even Snyder forgets about it from time to time so he can cram in another poorly judged needle drop. How can a heist movie with a zombie tiger be so boring?!?!
And how can a movie with a $100 million budget look so ugly? Filmed with cameras he bought off eBay (true story), Snyder's soft cinematography is an absolute eyesore as you constantly strain to make out what's happening within the blurry shallowness that is the frame. I've seen clearer quality on a Fisher-Price camera.
At least this movie could confirm my theory that Tig Notaro and Kate McKinnon are the same person. Honestly, this movie would have been a lot better if every character was cut out except for Tig's.
With Army of the Dead, The Last Thing He Wanted, and The Highwaymen, Netflix now boasts the worst movies of 2021, 2020, and 2019, respectively. But hey, when they also produce films by Scorsese and Cuarón, so I'll give them the benefit of the doubt.
