Is there anything more quintessentially representative of the 1980s than He-Man and the Masters of the Universe? The hand-drawn animated show came during a resurgence of sci-fi and fantasy storytelling, especially stories that primarily featured characters and props that could be easily converted to toys and other merchandise. He-Man and his famous catchphrase were plastered on lunchboxes, posters, and other knick-knacks alongside Optimus Prime and the G.I. Joes. But while those latter franchises were brought to the silver screen on multiple occasions during the wave of 1980s nostalgia in the 2000s/2010s, the inherent silliness of He-Man forced him to stay dormant.

It’s unlikely to be a coincidence that franchise owners Mattel have recruited director Travis Knight, who took over from Michael Bay and briefly pivoted the Transformers movie franchise towards a boldly more mentally and emotionally intelligent direction with Bumblebee, to kickstart this property. Knight also brings his immense animated talent as president and CEO of Laika, the stop-motion studio behind Coraline, Kubo and the Two Strings, and Missing Link. Later this year, they’ll release Wildwood, which recently dropped a dazzling trailer. After seeing Masters of the Universe, I can already guarantee that Wildwood will be the far superior film that Knight will release this year.

Much of the problem with this film is that it falls in a long line of nostalgic reboots, remakes, and sequels that believe that being ironic automatically makes them cool again. Unfortunately for all the imitators, Greta Gerwig made it look too easy with Barbie. Now Mattel sees dollar signs everywhere along their toy lines, with movies for Matchbox, Barney, Bob the Builder, Hot Wheels, Magic 8 Ball, and Polly Pocket all somewhere in development. These are all absurd and uncool products to revolve a feature film around. But as long as the films themselves point out that fact, then the company is one step ahead of us. Except that strategy has been done to death so many times that I can’t care anymore.

Star Nicholas Galitzine gives off a joke-y, “can you believe the words that are coming out of my mouth!?!” kind of energy when giving the opening prologue. As the main character, Prince Adam / He-Man, he explains that Eternia is a beautiful planet full of life, all of it sustained by the power of Grayskull. That power can be transferred to Adam when holding the Sword of Power and proclaiming, "By the Power of Grayskull! I have the power!" But after the evil forces of Skeletor attack his world, Adam is transported to Earth, specifically Oklahoma City, and separated from the sword.

Thankfully, this fish-out-of-water storyline doesn’t last long. All respect to Oklahoma City, but Eternia is a much more interesting place, even if Skeletor’s conquest essentially burned and salted the earth. I guess his victory shouldn’t come as a surprise since his army has guns, and the good guys almost exclusively have swords. The action set pieces are nothing special, with lots of circular camerawork and editing that cuts away from the blows to maintain the PG-13 rating.

This is also a surprisingly pro-violence movie, with lots of painfully unfunny moments dedicated to the absurdity of Adam trying to proclaim the benefits of talking about our feelings instead of using our fists. He’s ridiculed each time, eventually just punching and slashing the bad guys who can’t be reasoned with. There are even entire scenes centered around the absurdity of the human resources department, all of them so excruciatingly tiresome. At least Jared Leto gleefully cackles his way through his role as Skeletor, his voice and appearance fully transformed by fairly impressive visual effects. Certainly, much of the nearly $200 million budget went there, as other shots look quite inferior.

The whole thing feels extremely market-tested from the get-go, even down to Galitzine’s charmingly goofy performance. It’s not his fault that he’s appearing in a 132-minute film that never knows when to speed things up or trim out the fat. There isn’t an ounce of fat on his body, which bulges with muscles and abs the moment he grabs the sword. At the very least, he provides some inspiration for the men in the audience as summer starts to get into full swing.

Amazon MGM Studios will release Masters of the Universe in theaters nationwide on June 05th.